The Bell Jar.

Having wanted to read this book for years, never having the time, I finally read, and wish I hadn't.  What a disappointment!

I, anxiously, read through the last quarter of the book waiting for her to get the courage, or lose it, and finally do it.

I kept looking for the line, the thought, the event, the action, that would finally give her the clarity to get on with it, to get it over with.

But she doesn't.  She doesn't!  Joan does.  There's nothing moving, inspiring, or frightening about it.

After reading it, I felt like tossing the booking into a fire and myself along with it.

But (ALAS!) I checked the book out from the library... and there is no fire in sight.

When fools rush in....

you know, sometimes there's this fool. and this fool does foolish things. and this foolish fool doesn't want or mean to be a fool, but he's foolish nonetheless.  this fool steals another fools heart and this foolish fool runs with it.  then together they are fools.  together they do foolish things.  and despite the foolish thing these fools do, these fools keep loving foolishly.

06282012

I never really felt like it happened
Yes, I went through the motions
But it all felt as a dream
A slow motion recap of it
For a video on what to do
And what not to do

After, I felt accused
Every word was spoken with a bit of self defense 
I still don't see how it happened
How did I let myself spin so out of control  
 
Thinking back on those minutes
Which seemed like hours
Feeling as though the pain would last forever
Wanting to rip it off like a band-aid
While wishing it would just only melt away
Leaving me in a puddle
To be mopped up, wrung out and that would be that

Having grown tired of asking
I attempted it on my own
Only to prove to all that I couldn't do for myself
Oh, how pathetic I must've looked
In anguish, tears rolling
Knuckles white from clenched fists

Peeling away another layer
To make room for growth
It was torture

But the whole time you did it with love
Sad, pitying love
Like you were tending to a wounded bird left flightless
Only to restore it to health
So it could choose to fly away.

I may have been wrong.

How, from one day to the next, can it go from all to trash?
My apologies for being so brash.
But I felt I had a say and I had to say it.

Tonight i feel a new beginning coming.
As if something is about to end.
I should take this sentiment and run with it.
Off into the subset, off the far end of the world.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Let's call the whole thing off.

Where was it?
The turning point, when did it come?
And when did you realize that your path had been warped?
It's not all in my head, it wasn't a dream.
But then I think it may have been...
My mind is playing tricks on me,
Again.
I hope that's it.
If not, then it would just be another sign,
Like the many other times when they were blaring in my face,
Like sirens.
Will we ever make it past coal?
We have every intention of being more than what we were,
More than who we are.
I guess it wasn't a point,
There was no moment in time...
But it will come.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Sana sana, colita de rana.

Freeway accident.

Explorer flipped.

06.28.12

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

Like smoke.

Twirling, swirling

Away with the wind

I was once in tune within

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

What you could've had.

"Come into my life

Regress into a dream

We will hide

Build a new reality

Draw another picture

Of the life you could have had

Follow your instincts

And choose the other path."

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Cogito, ergo doleo.

"She lingered a moment, caught in the same strong current; then she slipped from him and drew back a step or two, pale and troubled.  Her look smote him with compunction, and he cried out, as if he saw her drowning in a dream."

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Finally.

I LOVE IT.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

The Next Wave

from me what can you learn,
if I'm still learning?

life is full of lessons only time can teach.

I think about the hand this world is holding,
and hope you catch on quick in this game called life.

posted from Bloggeroid

MOMENTS like these:

I must have some sort of mothafucken sign above my mothafucken head saying: "I'M A MOTHAFUCKEN IDIOT, I WAS BORN FUCKEN YESTERDAY!"

I had a dream that left an indelible impression,

to awaken in such a state of fear was jarring.

There were no monsters, no death, no global catastrophe.

I was powerless, my constitution was shaken, my were nerves shot,

the panic I felt was so deeply set... for you.

I dreamt you lost yourself.

Road Trip 02/22/2012

Yesterday was a really good day. My love and I started the day with a big breakfast from Kelley's, then made a few stops for snacks, BB gun, gas...

Then off we went. Drove through El Campo, Ganado, Edna, Sinton, Refugio...no destination in mind...ended up having a great time in Corpus Christi.

Dug our toes in the sand.


Saw the USS Lexington.


Selena's Memorial.


Tried Wienerschnitzel for the first time...soooo good.


Visited with Rudy's sis, bro in law and the kids. Set up the telescope and showed them all Jupiter. Good stuff!

All in all a great day.

posted from Bloggeroid

In a perfect world.

If you were I...
we'd both be perfect.

If I was you...
the same would be true.

the sun-

beating me down with rays of beauty...

illuminating my perfection,

blinding your eyes to the flaws.

Let it burn.

Sometimes I forget who I used to be

Every once in a while,

I rear my ugly head

And remember why

I choose to be my present self.

With all that I am,

I wish these lapses

And ever-repeating

Down cycles would just stop.

But I'd rather slip and remember

Than fall and stay down.

in the land of joc

give me fragments,

i'll piece them together,

fantastically, or terribly... 
depending on the day,

or my mood

but most definitely the subject at hand.

share bits and pieces,

i'll string them into a sequence,

a fantasy,  a nightmare ...

then cut the thread and do it over again

in my head.

no in betweens

when my mind 
is running away from me.
 (JMV)

Corrosive thoughts

Eating away at me, like a fly caught in a Venus fly trap, slowly.

              (jmv)

Abandon all hope...

                 Sleepless nights, how well I know you!  And how adamantly I avoid following you, pathway to slumber.  I'd much rather be reading, feeding my mind...loving, and looking into her eyes...in his embrace, his heartbeat drowning out all sounds.  And necessary as you are: I feel you cut into my time, shorten my life... I fight  you to the point of exhaustion and then, alas!  the joke is on me for I fall into you, no matter, and because, of how hard I fight you.

(jmv)

It's brighter, with both ends lit.

2012
Focus on my education
Be happy
And move forward

In life
In love
Something's wrong
If it all stays the same
We have to keep doing, improving
Learning and earning
Always be trying for something
Until the time you go under.

(jmv)

Consciousness.

With my every thought and action
My activities ripple the surface of life
And with each passing moment it's clearer
The ways that these choices are affecting my life.

(jmv)